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We’re all Outliers

August 31, 2010

We’re all Outliers.

I spent the first five years of my life living outside of the care of my mother. I was born in the Haight-Ashbury section of San Francisco in 1965 to (now called) Hadiyah, who was a single, college-educated 24-year old hippie from Newark struggling at the time with various degrees of mental illness. My mom got it together sufficiently so that in 1970 she took me back into her care, and we moved to Bellingham.

From age five to 15 I lived with Hadiyah in Bellingham. It was not an easy time for us as a small family emotionally, financially or spiritually. Growing up as an only child, as my mother worked as a professional welder and then training women for non traditional manufacturing jobs, did not lend itself to feeling a part of the community. I was embarrassed, even humiliated by our situation. Free lunch tickets everyday in school followed by “shopping” at Fairhaven’s “Free Store” and even diving into the Goodwill donation box for second or third hand clothes was our financial reality. To make money I started mowing lawns, delivering newspapers, running errands and building other forms of businesses.

My big break in life came at 15 when I was–through luck, good fortune and I believe grace– appointed as a Congressional Page by our state’s senior United States Senator Warren G. Magnuson. If for some reason you’re interested, here’s the full story in more depth. Senator Henry “Scoop” Jackson picked me up, literally and figuratively, once Senator Magnuson left office.

I purchased a one way ticket to Washington, D.C. with my paper route money and left for Washington, D.C. on a Saturday. By Monday morning I was standing with my knees shaking on the floor of the United States Senate in a crisp page uniform.

In many ways it was that page uniform itself–white shirt, blue tie, blue suit, black shoes–that immediately changed my perception of myself.

Here I was a kid from a low income and emotionally troubled background sitting on the floor of the Senate next to the sons, daughters, nieces and friends of cabinet members, governors, CEOs and more. And no one knew the difference because I looked the same in my page uniform.

Despite being only 15 by a month, it took me five minutes to figure out that no one knew or really cared about my background or story. No one assumed anything other than that I was from the correct side of the tracks. I learned over the next three years that many of the kids came from equally tough backgrounds, but it was only through building personal relationships that such information slowly came out.

In the awkward teenage years, it wasn’t easy to get comfortable with myself and I used my interest and knowledge of politics, policy and a penchant for instantly memorizing names and faces quickly to my advantage. I could name all 535 Members of Congress by face, including their state, within a very short time. I learned parliamentary procedure and public policy, became friends with senators and senior staff directly, learned the history of the United States Capitol so I could give personal tours to VIPs, and worked very hard to stay out of trouble which I generally did.

The experience changed the course of my life. It gave me hope for a better life. I knew it was my ticket to success and I did everything possible to seize the opportunity.

Last night I closed the final chapter of Malcolm Gladwell’s impressive book, “Outliers.” I simply cannot recommend this book enough. With raging force it took me back to my own personal journey in so many ways. It caused me to reflect all night long about the amazing opportunity–and the gift of life, love and meaning–that I have as a husband, father, entrepreneur and citizen legislator.

It helped remind me that I have been the beneficiary of access to opportunity. I had three mentors in my life–Jack O’Connor, Warren Featherstone Reid, and Melody Miller–who lifted me up. Who inspired me. Who believed in me. They opened doors at different times in my life.

Outliers is more than a book about success, failure or intelligence. It is about thinking and acting in ways that allow us to see opportunity. Read this blog entry about Outliers as Brian Donnelly explains the conviction behind the story better than my own words.

“Outliers, as Gladwell suggests, are often viewed as those rare individuals who, because of some magical set of conditions are able to achieve enormous success where many others either meet with failure or at best achieve mediocrity. By digging into real life stories- some about our popular success stories and many about seemingly “ordinary” people, the author ultimately makes the argument that while chance and “magical circumstances” do play a role in building success, there are other factors related to persistence and community support that can turn the tide for people, diverting them from a path towards failure to a trajectory of personal and professional success.”

I don’t romanticize my own story. It was, by and large, a dark emotional early journey. I only stopped having nightmares about the pain of my childhood in the summer of 1992, my 27th year. The reason that I am absolutely in love with Gladwell’s book is that it put into articulate, gracious words my own belief of why I’ve been successful: Access to opportunity, luck, hard work at the right time, the love and support of mentors and “10,000 hours of practice.”

There is not a day that goes by–ever–when I don’t stop and look up and reflect upon the good fortune of my personal journey. Wendy and the kids are the engine of the light in my life.

I’ve been thinking about the many ways in which our public policy should more thoughtfully integrate social, cultural and other dynamics at play as Gladwell articulates.

How do we open the door to access to opportunity for everyone?

And I’ve been thinking about how my own story, as uncomfortable as it is to share with you directly, is in many ways an Outlier story in that I had access to so much opportunity through those who believed in me.

I want all young people to see the subtly of that small opening in the doorway…and to seize it.

I would very much like to hear from you about issues, ideas, thoughts and insights if you’ve had a chance to read the book. If you haven’t, get on it

Your partner in service,


4 Comments leave one →
  1. Gene permalink
    August 31, 2010 9:21 pm

    It is a fascinating book, and the story about the hockey players was also instructive for those interested in aptitude testing. I wonder how many of the tests we currently use in our schools are not adequately scored based on exact age. In the Canadian hockey junior leagues, for example, a failure to take into account the exact age of younger players as they were assessed led to a huge skew of earlier birthdays in the professional leagues. It was those kids, the older ones with earlier birthdays, that had “tested” well and as a result had access to better resources as they advanced. The flaw in the testing methodology was self-fulfilling–they ended up in fact being better because the system over-relied on the test. They thought all along they were running a meritocratic system… for decades they deceived themselves and everyone else.

  2. Rosemary Daszkiewicz permalink
    September 1, 2010 6:47 am

    Thanks Reuven, for sharing your enthusiasm with all of us. Those of us who have been given great gifts have such an obligation to reach out and help others. in real and tangible ways. To say yes even when we don’t want to at times. Thanks for reminding me of that obligation on this gray Wednesday.

  3. September 1, 2010 9:55 am

    I haven’t read the book but know Gladwell’s work and will be sure to read this one. Thanks for sharing your own story, Mr Carlyle. As I work on building our nonprofit organization, I consistently keep in mind the children and youth who find themselves in foster and kinship care with little hope of permanence and stability in their lives. I then realize that my work of developing an intergenerational community for these children will be worthwhile even if it only touches one life. The capacity of ordinary people to care is so important in each person’s life. A sense of belonging and stability leads to better families, better communities and improved societies. Thank you for the work you do every day! I can’t wait to read the book. I’m downloading it on my Kindle today.

  4. Hugh Geenen permalink
    September 5, 2010 8:39 am

    Thank you, Reuven, for sharing these details of your life and showing courage for doing so. I continue to be impressed in how and what you communicate. Also, I am grateful that I have such a thoughtful public servant representing myself, my family and neighborhood. Keeping a big picture perspective is most appreciated. And thanks for the book recommendation!

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